Friday, July 13, 2012

C'mon Taco Bell.

I went to UW-L. The oasis that is Taco Bell is located conveniently between campus and downtown. Location, location, location. That place is always busy, and rightfully so. Not only is the food delicious (at the right time of the night), it's good for you (that's a bold face lie).

T-Bell has had some phenomenal innovations over the year. Nacho cheese chalupa, cinnamon twists, beefy 5-layer burrito, and the almighty Cheesy Gordita Crunch. For the most part, the good folks at your local neighborhood Taco Bell know what they're doing. They put a taco inside a Doritos chip, for heaven's sake. They deserve a Nobel prize.

That being said, there's a certain level of expectation when you walk in the door at Taco Bell. There's the avoidance of eye contact with anyone inside, as you simply walk up to the register, place your order, then wait patiently with your Baja Blast for your food to arrive.

You're not expecting the food to be good. The first bite will be the best thing you ever eat, and you'll be full halfway through your first burrito. Spoiler alert: you ordered four of those things, and you're going to devour each and every morsel. You're going to hate your life and feel terrible afterwards, but that's part of the experience.

So here's my question. Why ruin a good thing? Cantina Bowl? Surriously? No. If I'm going to Taco Bell, I'm resigned to my fate. I want different concoctions of terrible meat and liquid cheese packed into a tortilla, and then either grilled, steamed, deep-fried, sauteed, or cooked by sharks with laser beams attacked to their foreheads. It's what you want when you go to T-Bell. Not the illusion of something healthy.

Cantina Bowl? Leave that to the professionals. Taco Bell, you know what you're good at. Stick to your guns. And listen to one of the smartest men in the universe, Karl Welzein, who goes by the handle @DadBoner on twitter. So you know he knows his stuff.

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